#which is why I'm kinda trying hard | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

boredymcbored · 1 year ago

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Every day is excessive but like a lot of those days, you know?

slut era (just wants to talk to someone every day)

#quality time is a love language #I'm realizing that #but I like alone too #like ofc anytime is amazing #and i never wanna pull people away from their people #I'm guilty of pulling myself away from people so I get it #I've had a major problem with infatuation causing inseparability and I don't wanna fall back into that shit #time away good and important #time with people crucial #but I want to feel special #and that happens while alone #or can MORE EASILY I should say #carving out a time to be with only them without obligation shows extra importance #which is why I'm kinda trying hard #but maybe I'm reading things wrong and it's not what I thought #or maybe my desperation is exhausting lmaooo #idk dude I swear the other situation fucked how much I see things #and maybe I'm a lesbian that catches feelings too easily #i swear it's only cause people gimmie an inch #maybe i turn that into a mile tho #i think i overthink shit too much #didn't I just tell you to get a fucking hobby???

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wayfinderships · 4 months ago

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Good afternoon gamers!!! I miss F.inal F.antasy. I miss it a lot-

#pan rambles #I haven't played some in a hot minute and I'm crumbling-afibsfjsndi #I miss it a lot...#So much I've been struggling to get the motivation to continue Y.akuza 0-afisbkfsn #Not that I even have the time to play bc of assignments #But still #I miss it!!!#Maybe I'll try to play some Octopath in ky free time #I just missed my turned based battles #It's also why I think I'll prefer I.chiban's games over Kiryu (Minus the crush)#I love hitting things by pressing random buttons!! It Can be real satisfying! But Gameplay Wise. Kiryu isn't my favorite to play as-#It's not as fun for me compared to other games-ajfnsjdsn #Which is a shame bc story wise? I'm enjoying it!#It's just gameplay that kinda isn't my favorite sometimes #Anyways back to assignments! I'll work real hard so I can find the time to play Octopath!#I'll always prefer anime men over realistic looking men (The aro kicks in harder sometimes when they look realistic)

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arctic-reptile · 3 months ago

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sent my fanzine pieces to some friends and most didn't acknowledge them at all and the only one who did just went "nice" and nothing else :(((

#obligatory If You See This It Isn't About You I Promise these people are not on tumblr #like it's fine i'm proud of how they're coming along anyway but also. symptom of a larger issue yk #why is it such a struggle to get almost anyone in my life to care about the things that i'm proud of or excited about even a little :(#especially with vkei related stuff????? idk why but like. nobody (apart from my two friends who are also into it) will even acknowledge #that i've said anything when i try to talk about it or share anything related to it #which sucks idk i know you can't make people have an interest (and i'm not trying to do that!!) but i try very hard to engage with what #they care about even when it's not something i'm personally into and it just kinda sucks that it never seems to go both ways #like i do not like or care about kpop but i'll still sit for hours and watch videos or talk about it with my friend and then when i try to #show them one performance or song that's really important to me they go on their phone and don't actually watch any of it or pay attention

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seventh-district · 3 months ago

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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.

#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it #asmr #audio roleplay #rp audio stuff #redacted audio #anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud #and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators #but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it #which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium #like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform #and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication #and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements #like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh #tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that #and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno #i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it #bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it #this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable #but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself #feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything #who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl #anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now #actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon #u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.

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sysig · 1 year ago

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Gotta sweep up all this Dust (Patreon)

#Doodles #Mother 3 #Duster #I am still thinking of He and yet he still hasn't completely come back into my crosshairs #If you can believe it - it was actually the fic printing that was like halfway to the goal of going out of my mind about him again and well-#Lol ♪ I do still plan to! I just underestimated how much of a run-up to him it would be #I'll get there! Certainly keeping busy in the meanwhile lol #But he does get /some/ screentime in the meantime at least haha #I actually injured my own ankle a while ago :P Couldn't tell you exactly when or what but it's been kinda flaring up lately #Mostly when I got for walks - doesn't have to be super long walks either which I'm not super jazzed about #But I did get an ankle compress-brace which has been good for it :) Can walk a bit more regularly!#It was mostly giving my pain away that prompted him back lol sorry Duster #I did at least power up the game to try and see which side his limp is on - it's hard to tell!#It looks like his strides are more confident/longer with his left leg but with the way his sprite mirrors sometimes but not other times #I don't know if he actually says which leg it is somewhere in the game either so I'm just projecting for now lol #I imagine it's only easier to stress out the strong side by overextending - why not both!#It's also still really fun to draw him covered in scars haha #Probably could've gone for arm hair too but it might've muddled the scars and aren't those the important part lol #And a little singy Duster/Lucky to round out :)#I imagine he has a weak voice if he tried projecting but hmm I'm not sure! I really do want to get to know him better!#There's gotta be a reason he was put on the bass right haha #Probably a nice whispery singing voice ♪

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wereh0gz · 1 year ago

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I'm definitely not the only queer person who's kinda wary of Christian ppl they encounter online right?

Like I see a profile that clearly states they're Christian and they post like Bible verses and shit and I'm just. Hoping they're not queerphobic. Or saying some dumbass shit like "hate the sin love the sinner" or whatever while pretending that's not queerphobic

If they're interacting with me first it's pretty safe to assume they're not gonna be like that bc I'm very obviously queer (🏳️‍🌈 + pronouns in bio) but if it's someone who hasn't interacted with me at all I kind of instinctively avoid interacting with them out of fear of them being that way. Y'know

#ramblings #i think it's bc even tho i've never been religious and my family isn't like a super uptight christian family #i have encountered a preacher who was homophobic and transphobic before #he's puerto rican too which just makes me disappointed in my people tbh #i grew up surrounded by a lot of accepting ppl both within and outside of the family #as well as a couple gay/trans ppl #i was always taught that that's just the way some ppl are and that we should respect that #even if we didn't fully understand everything and weren't up to date with the latest most accepted terminology and stuff #ppl were just respectful and let others be themselves #so it's extremely hard for me to understand why other ppl would be queerphobic #i mean. i kinda get it. it what they were taught growing up. just how i was taught to be accepting and respectful #but why ppl would continue to teach that to their kids and perpetuate queerphobia is really what i don't get #like. accepting that ppl different from you exist and that's ok isn't going to kill you #maybe learn abt the world from other sources besides the bible and try to see different perspectives #instead of shutting yourself off to just one way of thinking and hurting ppl in the process #anyways. i think it's also bc i've seen too many really religious ppl on the internet who are also queerphobic #and they have these big platforms of ppl who support them and share their views #and like. i shouldn't generalize. but they paint an ugly image of christians in general #also like. christians throughout history don't have the cleanest track record #but i know a lot of christians nowadays aren't like that. in fact i'm willing to say most aren't #but still it's like. better be safe than sorry y'know #idk man

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hum--hallelujah · 1 year ago

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the duality of my Dr. Benzedrine is that he's incredibly effective and ruthless at what he does (saving lives, need not concern himself with the consequences as long as the subject/victim/patient is still alive by the medical definition of the term) and he's terribly smart and has a great sense of humor, but he's also a rather confused, genuinely brain-damaged individual. like. he's scary when he's in his element, but when he's not, he sometimes can barely string a full sentence together, has panic attacks over loud noises, etc

#he is not a savant btw I kinda hate that trope. he's INCREDIBLY intelligent but the brain-to-mouth connection just doesn't... work.#the head injury itself would have probably resolved itself for the most part but there were chemicals and experiments involved #and it just means he's... really shitty at language and communication. if he's not thinking too hard about it it's easier!!#the more he thinks about it/tries too hard the worse his speech is #which is why he sounds more coherent when he's working- his mind is on what he's doing instead of ''Have To Talk Right''#which allows him to. talk better.#the panic attacks thing tends to be either because 1) unfamiliar things like fireworks etc. or 2) sound sensitivity flare-up #...in a way I think he might be a very autistic little guy. but I'm not sure. I don't really know how to portray that #it's interesting trying to write a character who's whip-smart and clever and sarcastic but Can't Speak Properly #does any of this make sense??#she speaks!#ddas

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violentlydefending · 2 months ago

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genuinely always so shocked to see mirei hate. like literally god forbid women do anything.